The Ultimate Guide To Be Honest
Integrating truth into our lives adds healthy communication within our relationships. It also gives a sense of comfort and trust in our lives. Furthermore, when we are honest we are reliable and people have more faith in us.
There are different definitions of "honesty" and it means something different for everyone. Therefore, instead of just adding the definition here, think of what honesty means for you.
Are the people around you truthful?
Why would you consider your friend trustworthy?
Do they always tell you what they really think?
Are you honest with others?
*insert your definition of honesty*
Before looking at the solutions to gain truth in our lives, we need to know the reasons why we are not honest with ourselves and with others.
Often we keep the truth from the people around us because we don't want to hurt them. If we have something we need to express, it can be hurtful news to some people. This leads us to avoid facing it all together. For example, if your friend is visibly emotional towards an argument they had with someone else, and after hearing the explanation, you don't fully agree with your friends opinion. You will go out of your way to avoid telling them the truth.
Our lives are different from others, this gives us the urge to share a fictitious fact about ourselves. In different scenarios we become jealous, which leads us to lie to feed our ego and create a better image of ourselves. For instance, your coworker tells you about how they are planning on going to Hawaii next weekend, meanwhile you're planning on sitting on the couch and watching Netflix. You feel the need to tell them you are going to Hawaii next month. You are jealous of their life, therefore you think you need to make yours sound better than it is.
In relationships, it's difficult to tell our significant other how we truly feel because it may turn into an argument. Therefore, the solution is to lie or to not mention anything, because we have a worry of making them upset. To illustrate, your significant other made you dinner and it wasn't your favorite meal, you tell them the opposite of what you're truly thinking.
Lastly, it could be the possibility of being judged, in situations where your thoughts are unique and there aren't many people that think the same way as you do. As an example, your friends at school, enjoy video games but you enjoy comic books. You don’t want to tell them because you’re worried they will think less of you or make fun of you.
These are just a few examples of emotions that change our way of acting in situations which bring us to lie in our lives. Often, lying gives more repercussions than telling the truth, as hard as it may be.
Once we know the reason for our lies, we can look at giving ourselves the honesty we should. Afterwards, it will be easier to express ourselves honestly to others in our lives.
3 Steps to be honest with ourselves
1. Acknowledge our flaws
We all have differences and things to work on, knowing who we are makes it easier to be honest with ourselves. We can make decisions easier once we truly know ourselves. We will know our likes and dislikes, our thoughts and reasoning for our actions. Once we acknowledge that we make mistakes, we can fix them and embrace them.
If we know ourselves, it’s easier to justify why we feel this way and gain confidence from it. Just as we are worried our friends will judge us for liking something they don’t like. But in our minds we know we love that one thing and it’s normal to all be different.
2. Tell ourselves it will be okay
Being comfortable with our own decisions is the best "asset" we can obtain to be the best version of ourselves. We need to know no matter the outcome, everything will be okay. As long as you agree with your decision that’s all that matters.
Exactly as the example of not wanting to tell our significant other about the lack of taste in the food they made. We may hurt their feelings at the beginning but once we are honest we will feel so much better about it. They won’t hate us after we tell them what we truly think. It would be worse if it comes out later.
3. Think before we speak
Quickly go through the pros and cons of our decision in our head, and make sure it's the right decision for us. In our head it's just us and our thoughts, which means we can think exactly what we want. Pick what we think is appropriate and honest to say out loud or to someone. Make sure when we share, it's the most honest answer we can give. Even if it's only some of the truth, that's better than all lies.
5 steps to be honest with others
1. Knowing the truth will come out
Once we lie, it will most likely not last in that way. Whether the person figures out the lie from someone else, or we feel guilty and we end of telling them, or they end up figuring it out. It's best to tell the truth from the beginning to avoid being caught in a lie. Just like when our significant other finds out from someone else the meal we said we enjoyed, is in the end not very good.
2. Find people we trust
If we are unsure about being honest and find it difficult, it may be a good start to find one or two people in our life that we can trust. This can be someone at work, in our family, a therapist, a friend, etc. These few people can obtain qualities such as, kindness, respect and sincere, they are understanding and good listeners. They will make it a safe and judge free place to be honest. Once we are honest with a few people, we can bring that into a truthful and healthy lifestyle.
3. Start small
Once we have the people we trust, we can start small by telling them little things here and there. For example, if normally when they ask us how we are doing, and we say "I'm good" or "I'm okay", next time we should try telling them genuinely how we feel. Other times when our friend asks us what we think about their shirt or outfit, we should be honest and tell them if we genuinely like it.
4. Catch ourselves in the act
As soon as the voice in our head tells us "that wasn't true why did you say that?' or "omg that was a lie, I wish I could go back". Well we can go back and we can change what we said. When we find ourselves telling someone else a lie, we can quickly back track and tell them the truth.
For example, when we are about to tell our coworker that we are going to Hawaii next month, we can catch ourselves. Tell them that was a lie or a joke and tell them we are most likely planning on relaxing. Which is totally okay.
5. Evaluate our feelings
Do we feel we made the right decision. This can also be done at the end of the day, by seeing if the decisions we've made, and statements we've told people, were 100% honest throughout the day. After catching ourselves in lies or still lying, we can ask ourselves if the lie we told was worth it. Then figure out how we can make better decisions moving forward.
"Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it'll get you the right ones" -John Len
Honesty isn't an easy task but once we are honest with ourselves and others, we will see it's rewarding.
Now, thinking about your day, were you fully truthful with yourself? Were you honest with everyone around you?
Josée ™
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